31.5.11

a poem

. . .

depression

|-written by me-|

i sit here in this cold room with the darkness all around
the rain that’s pouring from the black sky is the only sound
through the open window it falls softly to the floor
the gloom that’s hovering outside creeps through the open door


i can’t ignore this sinking feeling i have known so long

my heart is broken once again, so much for being strong

why are emotions sewn together and then torn apart

why didn’t i see this would all be pointless from the start


i try to wipe the sweat off of my pounding throbbing head

this tightening ache will make me sick and start to faint, i dread

the pain that’s trav’ling up my spine is more than i can bear

it seems it will go on forever, i’m too weak to care


my weary mind keeps going back to how things used to be
i fool myself into believing back then i was free
i’m staring at the empty tea cup on the piano stool

the clock just chimed, it’s three a.m. the loudness seems so cruel


i’m ready to give up right now, i feel like i could die

yet i sit up, i brace myself and all this i defy

everything that’s in myself, i try to just erase

i gently raise my head and force a smile onto my face


and yet it i feel no change in me, i’m still lost in the dark

depression’s cutting into me, into my deepest heart

i can’t go back, i can’t go on, i’m desperate sitting here

the only hope that i cling too- i have His presence here


no i don’t feel Him, i don’t see Him, i don’t hear His voice,

but i believe with all my heart, i make a simple choice
remember how He took my life and made it sing anew
i know He’s here, i don’t know how, but He will bring me through


‘cause if my Jesus Christ will give me strength to face tomorrow

and if He will refocus my eyes’ gaze off of my sorrow

and onto Him and what He’s promised over and again

that He is with me through it all, and all this He’s ordained


to bring me closer to his will and nearer to His heart

to slowly make me more like him, His chastening to impart

to remind me that He’s the potter, i am but the clay

and keep reminding me that i will see His face some day


then i can press on blindly trusting He will carry me

carry me when i’m to weak to stand or even see

i know i will continue feeling anguish in my heart

and no - this pain won’t go away, i’ll still feel torn apart


but right now everything i know is meaningless to me

except my savior Jesus Christ and what He did for me

and now i’ll lift my head and look straight toward the breaking dawn
i hope in Him, i trust in Him and yes. i will go on.

. . .

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

"I have a hope that lifts my weary head,
a consolation strong against despair,
that when the world has thrown me in its deepest pit, I find my Savior there."

I will be praying for you, Annie! I love you! <3
-Rachel

Hannah said...

Annie, wow. This poem breathes, fast & hard what's in your heart! It's both easy to read (great rhyming) but it's also hard to read (painful feelings). I love you, heart's sister. Pain can bring clarity and urgency to our lives sometimes...

Ruthiey said...

You have a beautiful heart. Thank you for sharing this. You blessed me and I know you have blessed others with your honesty and faith. <3