a poem

. . .

depression

|-written by me-|

i sit here in this cold room with the darkness all around
the rain that’s pouring from the black sky is the only sound
through the open window it falls softly to the floor
the gloom that’s hovering outside creeps through the open door

i can’t ignore this sinking feeling i have known so long
my heart is broken once again, so much for being strong
why are emotions sewn together and then torn apart
why didn’t i see this would all be pointless from the start

i try to wipe the sweat off of my pounding throbbing head
this tightening ache will make me sick and start to faint, i dread
the pain that’s trav’ling up my spine is more than i can bear
it seems it will go on forever, i’m too weak to care

my weary mind keeps going back to how things used to be
i fool myself into believing back then i was free
i’m staring at the empty tea cup on the piano stool
the clock just chimed, it’s three a.m. the loudness seems so cruel

i’m ready to give up right now, i feel like i could die
yet i sit up, i brace myself and all this i defy
everything that’s in myself, i try to just erase
i gently raise my head and force a smile onto my face

and yet it i feel no change in me, i’m still lost in the dark
depression’s cutting into me, into my deepest heart
i can’t go back, i can’t go on, i’m desperate sitting here
the only hope that i cling too- i have His presence here

no i don’t feel Him, i don’t see Him, i don’t hear His voice,
but i believe with all my heart, i make a simple choice
remember how He took my life and made it sing anew
i know He’s here, i don’t know how, but He will bring me through

‘cause if my Jesus Christ will give me strength to face tomorrow
and if He will refocus my eyes’ gaze off of my sorrow
and onto Him and what He’s promised over and again
that He is with me through it all, and all this He’s ordained

to bring me closer to his will and nearer to His heart
to slowly make me more like him, His chastening to impart
to remind me that He’s the potter, i am but the clay
and keep reminding me that i will see His face some day

then i can press on blindly trusting He will carry me
carry me when i’m to weak to stand or even see
i know i will continue feeling anguish in my heart
and no - this pain won’t go away, i’ll still feel torn apart

but right now everything i know is meaningless to me
except my savior Jesus Christ and what He did for me
and now i’ll lift my head and look straight toward the breaking dawn
i hope in Him, i trust in Him and yes. i will go on.

. . .